i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
