Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
