There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My vagina just recognized that song.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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