It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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