i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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