people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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