Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
