Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
