As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I love you. Go after that dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
