What did we do last night that was yellow?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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