"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
