I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
