its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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