will power is for people who don't want to get laid
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
