Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
