and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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