I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
