I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
