So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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