Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
