He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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