I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
