Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
