She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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