my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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