Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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