I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
