Yo dont text me then not text me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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