Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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