i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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