"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
