Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Soap is not a condiment
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
