i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
