Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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