"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
