My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
