We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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