Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
