I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
