yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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