I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
