Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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