Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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