so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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