Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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