I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
