She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My penis needs a shock collar
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
