can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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