I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
