i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
