You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
