If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How does one acquire holy water?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
