Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
