maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize