I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
