Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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