you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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