JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
