Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
