she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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