D3 body, D1 cock
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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