I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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