I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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