i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
