remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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