i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
