i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
