I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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