I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
