I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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